Life has been a little tough in our world lately. This past Thursday was particularly rough and I was having a hard time getting to sleep. Growing up, my mom taught me to sing when I couldn't sleep. "Jesus Loves Me" has always been on the list, as it was this night. But another song came to mind, one of my favorite "old" songs, "Be with Me, Lord". It gave me peace and I finally fell asleep.

Yesterday, as the invitation was going on, Terry stopped and hugged Doug, telling him that he didn't know what was going on, but knew something was going on because of the look in his eyes. I was so touched by the exchange between Terry and Doug. As our friends surrounded us, the praise team started singing...."Be with Me, Lord". We NEVER sing that song! I just started bawling, KNOWING this was God telling me: "I heard you. I always hear you. And I'm right here." Our God is so personal! I felt more loved by God in that moment than I can even express! God is GOOD....ALL the time!

Where were you when...???

I remember that day like it was yesterday. Today marks the 15th anniversary of the OKC bombing. I was working at DHS, about 5 miles or so from the Murrah Building. Our desks were in the hall because they were putting new carpet in our work area. I remember feeling this movement and thinking it must be the machine they were using to smooth the floor before putting the carpet in. I looked up at the clock before going down to see a client: it was 9:02am.

When I went to reception, someone said there had been a bomb at the Federal Building downtown. I didn't think much of it because working for the government, bomb threats weren't exactly uncommon. I had no idea....

As the reports started coming in, there was a call for blood donors. This is one part of the day that I don't remember: I went to the Oklahoma Blood Institute with two girls I worked with but I cannot remember who. We got there and the line was around the block! There were people and emergency vehicles everywhere. We stood in line for about 45 minutes when they finally said they were only taking those with O- blood; only one of us had O neg blood so the other girl and I waited for her and then went back to our office. The building had been evacuated because of further threats. The only one there was a security guard. He told us to get our stuff and get out, if we weren't back in 5 minutes, he was coming after us. I ran up the stairs to my desk, grabbed my stuff and ran all the way to my car. I drove about 75 mph all the way to Edmond. I stopped to see my friend Donna before going home. When I got to her office, she just hugged me because she wasn't sure where my office was compared to the Murrah Building. It wasn't until then that I saw what had happened. It was unbelievable! It still is, 15 years later.

I couldn't stop watching. That night, I was to fly to NYC to meet my sister. It was so surreal to be in NYC watching the news and seeing YOUR town.

When I got home, I found out that I was going to be working at the Recovery Service Center for bombing victims with FEMA. I had done this before after a flood in 1993, so I thought it would be similar. We had no contact with the people we were helping. This wasn't the case this time. People came into the Recovery Service Center and we talked to them. When I first found out, I was scared to death! What would I say to these people? It was the most amazing experience I have ever had. It was so healing to talk to people, to listen, to hug them. It truly was a blessing.

I'll never forget that day.......

I was supposed to have lunch with a friend today but it got canceled when her kiddoes got sick. I met Doug at our favorite place, Qdoba. :o) He told me that B was going to join us. He is getting a new apartment, so was telling us all about it. It was a very fun lunch! So I'm driving down Memorial on my way to Target and my phone rings. It's B. He says he doesn't know what I have going this afternoon, but would I mind meeting him before 4 to see the apartment, he really wants me to see it. :o) I said what about now? I am two cars behind you. So we met at the new place and the lady took us to see it. It's very nice, much brighter and more open than his current place. As I drove on to Target, my eyes filled with tears at the sweet day God gave me. He's so good!!!

Well, here we are at the beginning of another new year. When you were a kid, did you ever think 2010 would really come?! WOW!

As I look back on 2009, there were some definite highs: we went on some fun trips, we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary, a fun "new" Brandon appeared as he moved into his own apartment, wonderful new friendships.

As I anticipate 2010, I know there will be many blessings~that's just how God works! And I would venture to guess there will be some heartbreaks too.

I guess it's natural to think about "resolutions" this time of year. Most of mine are the usual: eat healthier, exercise more...But one tops the list this year and should have topped it EVERY year! I want to know God better. I have felt kind of like I am wandering lately. I want to spend more time with Him, to look for Him in the every day, to be more aware of Him.

"Do this Lord....or something better!"

Last Wednesday night we watched Rob Bell's video "Names". He talked about the names we call ourselves and the name God calls us. After the video, Jason had us right the names we call ourselves on T-shirts on a piece of paper and then the name God wants us to wear on the back. I left the back blank. Now almost a week later, it's still blank, but I have not stopped thinking about it. What does God want of me? Am I who He wants me to be? Am I who I want to be??

WOW! I can't believe how long it's been since I have blogged! It's not for lack of things to blog about, really, as much as things that shouldn't be blogged about. :D

I should be in Honduras right now with a group of friends from church. I am keeping up with what they are doing via a blog and pictures. I have cried every time I look at it. You see, I chickened out of going. I guess it's always easy to say, "Oh man! I should have gone!" once everyone is there and it's too late. I wonder why I am so afraid? If I would just DO things, I think I would realize my fears are mostly unfounded.

Anyway, I am so proud of my friends and what they are doing! Check it out:

http://web.me.com/eric.connell/Tulsa_Torch_Trip_2009/

It's been an emotional 10 days or so. My DEAR friends, Ron and Nan Deal lost their 12 year old son, Connor last Tuesday. It was only 15 days ago that they took him to the doctor with a cough and now he's gone. It's hard to understand why. I guess we will probably never know that answer. I was blessed to be able to travel to Amarillo over the weekend to attend Connor's funeral. It was the saddest, yet coolest funeral I have ever been to! Connor lived quite a life in his short 12 years here on earth. What a testimony to the God he loved so much! 

Please continue to remember Ron and Nan and their other two boys, Braden and Brennan in prayer. And give your kiddoes an extra hug and kiss tonight.

I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions. I know, it's the 9th day of the year already, but I think I may still be in vacation mode! :D

Anyway, one that came to mind last night was this: I am going to really work on not saying "Oh my gosh". I've noticed recently that the "bad" language that bothers me most is when people use God's name. It has made me notice more how I use a form of that. It's something I have always struggled with; I remember my parents getting onto me about it when I was a kid. So that is one thing I am going to work on this new year. I am putting it in writing, asking those of you who read and spend time with me to hold me accountable. :D

Other resolutions:

1) The usual eat better and exercise more

2) work on my relationship w/B

3) Spend more time with God

4) Be a better wife/friend

We were extremely blessed to be able to spend Christmas in Hawaii with some dear friends. It was a fun, yet sometimes difficult week. 

I miss being there. I miss my friends, old and new. I miss having on shorts and flip flops. I miss walking on the beach. I miss the sound of the ocean. 

Ahhh...Forgiveness!

Things at our house have been fairly un-fun lately. 

But Sunday morning at Memorial was incredible! I know I will not be able to do it justice; you really had to be there! Long story short: Terry and Craig preached together. Craig was the youth minister at Memorial years ago and was fired. Obviously, that is not a fun situation for either side. To Craig's credit AND Memorial's, Craig came back to Memorial a few years later. He is now on staff again. Craig and Terry started out on opposite sides of the stage Sunday morning, each telling the story of the firing, the coming back, the on staff again. But the underlying theme was forgiveness. The more Craig talked, the more convicted I became. He spoke of festering in his anger toward Terry and the elders. Boy, that was me! I had been living in anger toward B and wallowing in it! He spoke of forgetting what is behind and striving toward what is ahead and thinking on such things that are pure, lovely, etc. As the invitation was offered, I told Doug I had to go. We walked up together. I had no idea that HE was responding too! So we confessed and apologized and the burden was lifted immediately! It's already changed how we deal with B together. :D 

So after church, I was talking to a friend about past hurts and not being able to forgive. I was reminded of my time in Virginia and the hurt and anger I felt toward someone there that I felt had wronged me. It's been 20 years!!! So I sent him a message telling him of my anger over all these years but that I didn't want to live in that any longer. (By the way, it wasn't anger I was living in daily, reliving what had happened, but every time I thought of my time there, the hurt would come up!) Anyway, just typing and sending the message was very freeing. But this morning, I heard back from him. The tears came as I read his apology and regret over what happened all those years ago. 

Forgiveness....it's a GOOD thing!!!

We had another wonderful reunion time in York this weekend! It was Doug's 25th class reunion from York College. It was so great seeing old friends, sharing old memories and making new ones! I have been blessed with many wonderful friends over the years; there is just something extra special about old friends! 

It's my most favorite time of year! When the temperatures cool enough to open the windows....Yesterday and today are the kind of weather I think I could handle year round! Cooler weather just makes me smile! I went for a walk this morning and in the shade got a shiver! :D One thing I need to be more conscious of though, is my husband isn't as fond of cool weather as I am. My motto is I would rather put on another blanket or sweatshirt than close the windows! :D He's a good sport though! Thank you, sweetsie! 

I am so blessed! I don't remind myself of that often enough!

Jason preached this morning; it was so good, as usual! Something he said really hit me in regard to my struggles with B: He was using Ephesians 6:11-14. He was talking about conflicts with people etc. and how the person isn't your enemy.

 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph. 6:12)

Then I read this in Josh Graves' blog:

"We only get one brief shot to make a difference in this world. Most of us might not have the opportunity (or burden) to impact the world to the degree of Eli Wiesel. I am certain, however, that with our very words, we can create and heal more worlds than we'd ever thought possible."

How much of a difference will I make when I stop thinking of him as my enemy and start realizing what a healer God  could use me to be in his life? 

Being a stepmom is still hard. I keep thinking it's going to get easier, but I'm not sure. There are times when it seems like it's getting easier, and then something happens that just slaps me in the face. The most difficult thing for me is how it hurts my husband. There isn't much I hate more than knowing that I have hurt or am hurting my husband. I think I'M in a no-win situation; he is even more so. Yet the selfish part of me keeps wanting him to see MY side. UGH! 

Well, we are home from our vacation! We had a blast in Detroit volunteering at the PGA Championship! The weather was FABULOUS! We didn't have to work until Thursday, so we spent Monday-Wednesday watching golf. We saw most of our favorite golfers and got some great pictures. We even saw Jim Nantz from CBS on Wednesday! Monday we ran into Doug Ferguson about 5 minutes after we got there. We got to have dinner with him Monday night and then saw him off and on while we worked Thursday-Sunday. It wasn't as busy as last year, but it was still fun! The people we worked with were really nice, especially our committee chairperson. Wednesday night, we met Eric, Natalie and Melaina Magnusson for dinner. Of course, Melaina took right to Doug! :D 

We decided that we will do well retired: we loved all the time we got to spend together!

I know, I know....It's been a while. :D

I have been having SO MUCH FUN finding old friends on Facebook! People I haven't been in contact with for YEARS! I just love it! And one of the most amazing things is that I have been finding people on other people's friend list. And I didn't know Friend A knew Friend B! The world is SO small, especially in the church. I LOVE IT!

I've been feeling rather blah lately and I don't know why. Things at our house have been busy, but good. We got B graduated. :D It's still hard to believe! It probably won't sink in until fall when he starts college. 

I'm really excited about starting our ladies Bible study tonight! 

But I am very weary of small group. We met last night to discuss what we wanted from small group. I froze. I didn't say a word. I wanted to, but for some reason, I couldn't. My husband was disappointed in me, which makes me sad. I really feel the need for a break, but I couldn't say it. I have a hard time voicing opinions that I SHOULD voice and a much too easy time voicing opinions that I should keep to myself! 

I am sitting here listening to the rain. It's kind of dark and dreary today, but the grass and trees are so green, it's not all that bad. I started to go out and run around some and then decided I would just come back home. So I have been surfing the Internet and catching up with old friends via Facebook. 

We spent a wonderful week in southern California last week. The first three days were chill time for Doug and I; boy, did we need that! It was so much fun to be away and just the two of us! We went to a See's Candies store which was one of the highlights of the trip for me! We put 600 miles on our rental car just driving up down the Pacific Coast Highway. The scenery is beautiful! On Sunday, we got to go to a Dodgers game which was so much fun! It was really hot, but the experience of being at Dodger Stadium was well worth the sweat! 

The rest of our week was spent enjoying the 65th Annual Pepperdine Bible Lectures. WOW! We heard some awesome speakers and were challenged to live the Sermon on the Mount. The singing was incredible. I love singing at the top of my lungs and still not being able to hear myself! We saw quite a few friends, old and new. 

Next week is graduation and we will celebrate our FIFTH wedding anniversary!! I can hardly believe it! Where did the last five years go?! It has been a fabulous ride!!!

The Lord's Prayer

This was too cute not to share. Thanks for posting, Tammy!!

Well, another Tulsa Workshop is in the books. It was wonderful to see old friends and hear great speakers; and the singing....oh the singing! It's my first memory of the Tulsa Workshop, walking into the Pavilion on Thursday night, the singing already started. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! I grew up in relatively small churches,  and to experience that many people in one place praising God, struck pure awe in me. 

Thursday night this year was another highlight for me. Free Indeed and Jerome Williams were leading worship. They called up Booker Murphy to join them. In 1982, he was the "old black man" leading singing that I loved. I was 18; he's not even old now, so I hate to think how old he probably was back then! (In fact, he was probably about the same age I am now!) The song I always associate with him is "I'll Live in Glory". Imagine the thrill that ran through me when that song popped up on the screen while he was leading!!! It was the best! To top it off, I saw he and his wife on Saturday and got to meet him and tell him this story. It truly was one of the highlights of this year's Workshop for me.

I was able to attend several classes this year, all good. Terry Rush, Dusty Rush, Patrick Mead and Josh Graves, Randy Harris....

I love the Tulsa Workshop!