Last Wednesday night we watched Rob Bell's video "Names". He talked about the names we call ourselves and the name God calls us. After the video, Jason had us right the names we call ourselves on T-shirts on a piece of paper and then the name God wants us to wear on the back. I left the back blank. Now almost a week later, it's still blank, but I have not stopped thinking about it. What does God want of me? Am I who He wants me to be? Am I who I want to be??

WOW! I can't believe how long it's been since I have blogged! It's not for lack of things to blog about, really, as much as things that shouldn't be blogged about. :D

I should be in Honduras right now with a group of friends from church. I am keeping up with what they are doing via a blog and pictures. I have cried every time I look at it. You see, I chickened out of going. I guess it's always easy to say, "Oh man! I should have gone!" once everyone is there and it's too late. I wonder why I am so afraid? If I would just DO things, I think I would realize my fears are mostly unfounded.

Anyway, I am so proud of my friends and what they are doing! Check it out:

http://web.me.com/eric.connell/Tulsa_Torch_Trip_2009/

It's been an emotional 10 days or so. My DEAR friends, Ron and Nan Deal lost their 12 year old son, Connor last Tuesday. It was only 15 days ago that they took him to the doctor with a cough and now he's gone. It's hard to understand why. I guess we will probably never know that answer. I was blessed to be able to travel to Amarillo over the weekend to attend Connor's funeral. It was the saddest, yet coolest funeral I have ever been to! Connor lived quite a life in his short 12 years here on earth. What a testimony to the God he loved so much! 

Please continue to remember Ron and Nan and their other two boys, Braden and Brennan in prayer. And give your kiddoes an extra hug and kiss tonight.

I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions. I know, it's the 9th day of the year already, but I think I may still be in vacation mode! :D

Anyway, one that came to mind last night was this: I am going to really work on not saying "Oh my gosh". I've noticed recently that the "bad" language that bothers me most is when people use God's name. It has made me notice more how I use a form of that. It's something I have always struggled with; I remember my parents getting onto me about it when I was a kid. So that is one thing I am going to work on this new year. I am putting it in writing, asking those of you who read and spend time with me to hold me accountable. :D

Other resolutions:

1) The usual eat better and exercise more

2) work on my relationship w/B

3) Spend more time with God

4) Be a better wife/friend

We were extremely blessed to be able to spend Christmas in Hawaii with some dear friends. It was a fun, yet sometimes difficult week. 

I miss being there. I miss my friends, old and new. I miss having on shorts and flip flops. I miss walking on the beach. I miss the sound of the ocean. 

Ahhh...Forgiveness!

Things at our house have been fairly un-fun lately. 

But Sunday morning at Memorial was incredible! I know I will not be able to do it justice; you really had to be there! Long story short: Terry and Craig preached together. Craig was the youth minister at Memorial years ago and was fired. Obviously, that is not a fun situation for either side. To Craig's credit AND Memorial's, Craig came back to Memorial a few years later. He is now on staff again. Craig and Terry started out on opposite sides of the stage Sunday morning, each telling the story of the firing, the coming back, the on staff again. But the underlying theme was forgiveness. The more Craig talked, the more convicted I became. He spoke of festering in his anger toward Terry and the elders. Boy, that was me! I had been living in anger toward B and wallowing in it! He spoke of forgetting what is behind and striving toward what is ahead and thinking on such things that are pure, lovely, etc. As the invitation was offered, I told Doug I had to go. We walked up together. I had no idea that HE was responding too! So we confessed and apologized and the burden was lifted immediately! It's already changed how we deal with B together. :D 

So after church, I was talking to a friend about past hurts and not being able to forgive. I was reminded of my time in Virginia and the hurt and anger I felt toward someone there that I felt had wronged me. It's been 20 years!!! So I sent him a message telling him of my anger over all these years but that I didn't want to live in that any longer. (By the way, it wasn't anger I was living in daily, reliving what had happened, but every time I thought of my time there, the hurt would come up!) Anyway, just typing and sending the message was very freeing. But this morning, I heard back from him. The tears came as I read his apology and regret over what happened all those years ago. 

Forgiveness....it's a GOOD thing!!!

We had another wonderful reunion time in York this weekend! It was Doug's 25th class reunion from York College. It was so great seeing old friends, sharing old memories and making new ones! I have been blessed with many wonderful friends over the years; there is just something extra special about old friends!