There seems to be an undeniable theme in my Bible study lately: repentance and confession. It came up again in BSF this morning. We were talking about Cain killing Abel and feeling not much remorse, except in the fact that he got caught! God gave him a chance to repent and he basically blew God off. Our leader talked about resentment and how it can take over our lives. She defined resentment as ill will toward a real or imagined grievance. Ouch! God showed me this morning that I have been very resentful toward my husband's ex-wife. I have so often felt like I deserved to be angry towards her. I mean, look at what she does, how she acts, etc! But God knows my heart. The leader stated that sometimes we believe God will change a circumstance more than a heart. I prayed this morning that He would change my heart. I don't want to be resentful or bitter or unrepentant. So here I am confessing. Why is that so hard for us? For ME? "Rebellion is centered on self; obedience is centered on God." Oh, I want to be obedient! The only way to uproot bitterness and sin is to call on the name of the Lord.
Hey, God......
2 comments:
Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I'm afraid God will do exactly what I ask for.
Like, in Acts 4 when the disciples prayed to be able to speak boldly, and He enabled them to speak boldly. That totally spoke to me, but at the same time there's this voice in the back of my head that says, "woah... you don't really want to do that, do you? You know what that means? There'll be people who don't agree with you! People who will argue with you. People who won't like you because of what you said."
But that's still nothing to what the early Christians went through... flogged, imprisoned, killed!
But I'm still afraid. Afraid to ask him to change my heart because I know what that means.
That doesn't mean I won't do it... but I'm beginning to understand why having faith like a child would be better than the analytical, adult faith I currently employ.
You know - your faith and honesty always inspire me. I love you, sweet friend!
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