I have times of whining. I know, probably most people do. The last week or so has been one of those times for me; that is part of the reason I don't blog during whiny times. Who wants to hear that??

Things have been....interesting at our house the last week. There are things that are unknown and I don't handle that well. I am known to some as "Polly Planner". :o) This morning I was doing a Beth Moore Bible study- A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place. I am only on day 2 of the second week, but it's been so fascinating! One of the things I love about Beth Moore is that she ties the Old and New Testaments together like no one else I have ever experienced. It's amazing to me how the Bible fits together! :o) The study is about the tabernacle, the place where God chose to dwell among the Israelites. Today, they had just been rescued from the Egyptians while crossing the Red Sea and then they are complaining that they don't have any water. So they get to water and it's bitter. God shows Moses a piece of wood which he throws into the water and it becomes sweet. The place of the bitter water is called Marah, which means bitter. Beth talked about how bitterness is a cancer and keeps us from living life as God has called us. She referred to 1 Peter 2:24 which talks about Jesus bearing our sins on the tree-wood that takes away our bitterness and makes us sweet again. WOW!

Apparently God is trying to make a point with me today because as I was reading blogs, I came across this sentence on Whit's blog that blew me away: "Can you hear Jesus calling us out of the boat even though it seems utterly foolish to hope that we could do such a thing? " I have been staying in the boat on the subject of B. It seems utterly foolish to me that this situation can be fixed. YET I KNOW that my God can do ANYTHING! And He will, if only I will ask....and trust Him. If my dear friends can trust their newborn baby to God, when the doctors gave them very little hope, why can't I trust Him with my teenage stepson??

I think I need to step out of the boat.

TAGGED!!!

It's amazing what people will do to get you to blog! And I didn't even think it had been that long! Oh well...here goes.

The game goes that you pick up the book closest to you, turn to page 123, go four sentences down and record the following three sentences. Please give the author, name of the book and tag three others.


"More often than not, these two women maintain a wary distance from each other. The stepmother backs her husband. If he has an adversarial relationship with his ex-wife, his current wife usually adopts a similar stance."

Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers by Jean McBride

The closest books to me are many; there's a book shelf right around the corner from the desk. So I suppose I cheated somewhat, since I looked around and chose this book. But it was interesting in light of what is going on in our lives right now. :o) It really is true that God works in mysterious ways!

So in keeping with this fun game, I tag:

1) Doug
2) Theresa
3) Clint

I'm kind of cranky.

Frankly, I am tired of this weather. I have been venturing out, but it's frustrating and the roads are SO bumpy!

I've been lashing out at my husband; I hate when I do that. (Sorry, Moto!) Everything seems to bug me.

And then the important things jar me back into what really matters in life. One of our missionaries and a good friend of some good friends were killed in a car accident yesterday in Uganda. Another friend lost her grandmother today.

Now why was I whining???

The Meaning of Life....

My mind is whirring right now, so might be kind of rambly. :o)

I started to type something funny, like "Before you get excited and think I have found the meaning of life...." But haven't I found the meaning of life? If I have a relationship with Jesus, I have. So why do I let other stuff get me down and wondering about life and its purpose?

This past Saturday Doug and I went to OKC to attend the funeral of the 32 year old son of a friend of mine. It was really sad. The service was nice and I know Eric had a relationship with God, but it was still sad. Sad to think about his 3 year old growing up without her daddy; sad to think of his wife losing the one she loves most; thinking about my friend losing her firstborn child. Yet even though he was so young, his life was SO full!

Afterward, I saw many friends that I used to work with in OKC. The most asked question was: "So...what do you do with yourself now that you're not working?" This is not one of my favorite questions. Although I always feel like I keep busy, I could not tell you much about what keeps me busy.

I was blessed to be able to stop working almost 3 years ago. WOW! It doesn't really seem like it's been that long! I have to say I LOVE not working! I love just being able to do whatever, whenever. I have enjoyed being in a women's Bible study, helping occasionally in the food pantry at church, helping my friends with babysitting, helping with Workshop....

So today, I had lunch with a friend. I have been thinking about what makes my life matter. What is important to me and am I doing something about it? It's popping up everywhere: in conversation, in magazines and blogs that I have been reading....and then there was that question: "so what do you do with yourself now that you're not working?"

I want my life to make a difference. I want it to make a difference in Doug's life. I want it to make a difference in B's life. I want it to make a difference in my friends and acquaintances. I want people to see a difference in me.

My husband mentioned to me last night that I hadn't blogged in a while. I seem to often need a nudge in this area of blogging. :o)

I've been thinking alot already about New Year's resolutions. My number one resolution that I am working on already is to not think so negatively about myself. It's not going to be easy because I have had almost 43 years of practice!

I suppose many might argue this next point, but I have got the absolute best husband in the whole world! He is SO patient and kind and generous and loving. I learn so much from him! He has blessed my life in ways that I didn't even know needed blessing! :o) I am thankful for him every day, but today, I wanted you to know.

OK...Seems I have been tagged by a "friend" to list six weird things about me. So I know I'm weird, but I was hoping no one else had noticed. :o)

So here we go:

1) When I fold towels, towels of the same color may not be stacked together.
2) I love salsa, ketchup, pizza sauce, etc....everything tomato-y, but NOT tomatoes.
3) Actually, I have many food issues. Eggs: I will only eat them scrambled HARD and can barely stand to be sitting with someone who is eating them fixed another way.
4) I love school/office supplies. (Post-It notes, pens, pencils, calendars...)
5) I am addicted to lip balm. At any given time, I may have 6-10 different lip balms in my purse.
6) I am a chronic ironer. I even iron something I am planning to wear underneath something else. (NOT my underwear though!) :o)

Hmmm...that was much easier than I anticipated....that can't be good!

Ahhh...The weather has finally changed. Don't get me wrong: 75 degrees on Thanksgiving Day DOES have its advantages. But I LOVE cooler weather! And there is just something wrong about the window being open behind the Christmas tree! So I am excited that seasonal weather is arriving. I'm sitting here in the quiet of my house, listening to the rain. It's 4:40pm but it's pretty dark. The only lights on are the Christmas tree lights. I have been catching up on blog reading and have been wowed with what I have read. (I have some pretty amazing friends!) I'm feeling blessed....and I just wanted you to know.

I really wanted that last blog post to last forever. I know....VERY unrealistic! So B came to spend fall break with us; it was really good....for the first couple of days. Then on Friday night, his mother called asking some questions. It seems he had told her that his dad said something, which he didn't. Then it came out that he had told his dad something that his mom had said...that she didn't. So, his dad confronted him when he got home. It didn't go well. So now it's been 2 1/2 weeks since he's been here. Seems he can't tell the difference between the truth and a lie. And seems he can't admit that he was wrong. So he's "punishing" his dad by not seeing him. I wish he could see how is he punishing himself. Ah, but he's a teenager!

Then it hits me: are we so different? Don't we sometimes twist things around enough so a lie looks like the truth? Sometimes we get in so deep, we don't even know what truth is anymore! And then the even more convicting part: how difficult is it for us, for ME, to admit when I am wrong?????

I can't believe I have waited this long to blog this! Last Thursday, B came over to mow the lawn. He was EXTREMELY chatty, which I love! So he mowed and then he wanted to go skate before dinner. So he left and came back to eat with us. He called to say he was going to be late (he already was!) and that he had gotten stopped on his way to the skate park. Yes, his first speeding ticket. Needless to say, he was not thrilled. BUT he pretty much got over his anger quickly and we had an enjoyable dinner. Afterward, his dad had gone upstairs to do something and it was just he and I downstairs. He was talking my ear off! Telling me about school and stuff, LAUGHING...it was really great. It was one of those moments where I thought of Mary, the mother of Jesus and how she treasured all these things in her heart. That's what I am trying to learn to do; is treasure those really fun times and let them overshadow the not so good times. He's spending fall break with us. Pray for more times like this and that God would break through all the walls B has put up.

I know! I'm going crazy with all this blogging! :o)

Today I had a day of beauty at Ihloff Salon and Spa. My husband gave this to me for our anniversary back in May. (Isn't he awesome?!)

It was FABULOUS! I was sort of nervous about it, you know all shee-shee fancy and not knowing what to expect, but it was terrific! I started with a facial, then a massage, a manicure, got my hair washed and styled and then a makeup application. FUN!! I felt like a princess!

Thanks, babe!

The two dogs on the right are my sister's dogs, Scully and Mulder. (Yes....big X Files fan!) Scully is the one in the back/middle. (The other dog is Barnum and belongs to my sister's roommate.) Dina emailed me last Thursday and said that Scully had terminal, inoperable thyroid cancer that had spread to her lungs and was not expected to make it more than a month or so. She was acting fine, so she was just going to wait until Scully seemed to be in pain before making any decisions. Well, that time came Sunday afternoon. She started coughing up blood and was extremely lethargic. So they called the vet. They had to put her to sleep. Now, those of you who know me know I am NOT an animal person. But this dog: she was so sweet! She was 10 years old and my sister had gotten her when she was a puppy. So I chose to post this picture today in honor of Scully; and also in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, as they are wearing their pink ribbon bandannas.

I DID IT! I can't believe it! WHOO-HOO!!! This was taken in Burlington, IA; that's the Mighty Mississippi in the background.

I LOVE FALL!!! It's always such a long time coming around here, but it's SO worth the wait!

It finally happened: On Friday afternoon, I was actually so bored that I vacuumed! VACUUMED! Of course, my carpet needed to be vacuumed, it was just the idea that I couldn't think of anything better to do than VACUUM!

We had a nice weekend. It always goes way too fast though. B was here and was pleasant. That's been nice. Thanks to all of you who pray for us; keep it up!

Well, I talked him into going to eat at Ted's last night. :o) It was YUMMY!

My husband has traveled a lot this week. I have not. Consequently, he wants to stay in tonight. I do not. Oh well....I guess I better think of something to make for dinner.

Well, one of my dear friends informed me that she was tired of me being in a funk and I needed a new blog post, so here I am. :o)

Life is good. Things with B have been really good lately, like the old kid is back. I like that. Example: my parents were here a few weeks ago. B loves my parents, always has. He seems to enjoy spending time with them. On their last day, we all met for breakfast. B was really chatty and fun, even after we got home. I thanked him for always being so nice to my parents. Now, typically, this kid does not accept compliments well, but here's what happened: 1) he looked me in the eye; 2) he SMILED at me; and 3) he said, "You're welcome". Needless to say, I am STILL smiling about that one! :o)

BSF has started back as well as small group. Now, I know you will all be shocked to hear this, but here goes: THERE'S A PLAN! WHO KNEW!? I LOVE IT! The study of Romans and the reading of The Purpose Driven Life have amazingly run together. Over the past month since my last blog, God has really shown me some stuff about me, some of it not so pretty. He's brought amazing people into my life for me to share things with and to give me some great advice. And then there's this preacher...Convicting and life-changing....The one thing that always worries me is that I'm going to forget after a while and go back to my selfish ways. Hold me accountable, OK?

I've been in a funk lately. Not really sure why, but tired of it. Funkiness happens, but for me, it doesn't typically last this long.

I went to the counselor today. It helped; as did time with friends last week. That's the funny thing: I was feeling friendless. I know, I know....but I was feeling it just the same. Anyway, life as a stepmom is much harder than I EVER anticipated! And I don't think I was totally unrealistic. One thing I DIDN'T anticipate at all was how much the ex-wife would be a part of our lives. Although, relatively speaking, this is a small part of our day to day lives, it permeates our WHOLE LIVES. It's like a dark cloud hanging over me. So, what I want to do is not let it permeate my whole life. I mean, I really have a great life.

I was reading Michelle's blog today and it really hit me. I have sought out every possible way to "fix" this and not spent time with, I mean REALLY SPEND time with, my Creator. And these words of wisdom from such a young one! :o) Boy, have I got a lot to learn!

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I traveled to Texas to see some dear friends and grew closer to another friend in the process. The day after I got home, my in-laws came for a visit. We had a fun time! The day after that, I learned that my grandfather died. Even though it wasn't totally a surprise, it still caught me off guard. That was on Saturday, July 29. So on Monday part of the in-laws left, and on Tuesday my mother-in-law left when we left for Iowa. It was a good trip, even though the circumstances weren't great. My husby got to meet my aunt and uncle from California and a cousin that he had never met. It was good to be together. And I have a cool story from the funeral.

My grandfather was a railroader for 38 years. During the service, I heard a train whistle. :o) I thought that was very cool and was talking to my parents and husby about it later, saying that I believe things like that are little hugs from God, letting us know that He is listening, that He is aware of what is going on. WELL, as I was saying that, WE HEARD A TRAIN WHISTLE! We all started laughing. It was like God was saying, "Amen, Sister!"

My stepson decided he was ready to come over on the weekends again, so he came last weekend. It went well; we hardly saw him! Of course, that is typical with a 16 year old.

I am finally getting excited for Workshop. I need to be: it will be here before we know it and there is LOTS to do!!!

I went to the lake this past weekend with some of my girlfriends from OKC. We had a great time: eating, laughing, talking, stamping, eating....It made me miss them. But it also made me so appreciate the life I have here: my awesome husband, my wonderful friends, my church family. I love that I don't have to choose one life over the other, but I can enjoy and be blessed by both.

I also learned something about myself this weekend. My husby has mentioned this before, but I actually noticed it this weekend. I often attempt to justify my opinion, rather than just sharing it and going on. I feel like I have to explain why I feel or think a certain thing. Interesting...I am going to be working on that one.

I think I may have discovered the problem between wanting to blog and not knowing what to blog and then never getting around to it.

I feel like a broken record.

Things are really hard at our house. I guess most houses with teenagers are probably not exactly pleasant. We have one that goes between two homes with VERY different values, rules, etc. That can't be easy. And he is also very used to running the show at one house. Since he doesn't have that "privilege" at our house, he is choosing not to come over. While there are good things associated with that, the fact that it is breaking my husband/his father's heart doesn't go over too well with me. Add to that the fact that I don't know how, nor is there probably even a way to help my husband as he deals with all of this.

So my heart is kind of heavy. And things sometimes feel hopeless. Yet I know they aren't because God is in control.

I think I may have figured out part of the reason for my lethargic-ness recently. Ever since BSF ended 2 weeks ago, I am embarrassed to say that the only time I have opened my Bible is at church. Hmmm...do you think that could have something to do with it?! (I'm a little slow sometimes!)

Pray for me to stay in the word!

P.S. This is one of those times where I want to blog but don't know where to go from here. :o)